It was a decision that I made, and at the time I thought it best so.

Do you remember that night, when I let my true colors show and you looked at me with awe, like you’ve never had before? Like a wide-eyed kid seeing something intriguing for the very first time. You weren’t quite sure what to make of it, but you knew you were going to be different from then on. I noticed it, but naïvely dismissed it. You see, I’ve been longing for my true self to come out with no reservations. It happened then, and it was one of those rare moments where I could see that even everyone was noticing, and I was happy…truly, the happiest I’ve ever been. Only, I never thought I could change you that way.

Since then I covered myself up so you could only see a dim version of my light and sometimes…even darkness. The truth was…it was not that I didn’t approve of your change of heart; on the contrary, it excited me. But I was also hesitant and skeptical of its possibility and in short, I was scared. So I kept my colors hidden from your sight. I hated it, but I wanted to prevent this change from going any further. How I made you feel though, broke my own heart…You were too special. But never mind, I was too late. You changed me, which I think is what you had hoped for, but I never told you or showed you this. Now I’m not so sure. Oh what have I done…? I wish you would have the courage to tell me why things are the way they are. It’s too big of a matter to be overlooked. If we had stayed true, it would have been much simpler and feelings would not have been hurt.

It seems now things are back to the way they were before to you, and it’s surprising how I’m struggling to think as if nothing had happened. I don’t know whether to be happy or sad for this. To be happy is the right thing to do, but I’m not sure if I am. And to be sad would be wrong, but I think that I might be. To tell you the truth, I’m not sure I have all the right reasons for this argument that’s happening in my head even as I write this. My only hope is that this “normalcy”, at least that’s my impression of our current situation, didn’t happen because you have misunderstood me. I made the decision to make the colors of my heart murky in front of you, but that doesn’t mean that I’m just a face. I regret that I’ve been unfair to you as well as to myself, and I am sorry. But I will tell you this that I know is true. I’m still the same person whose colors you saw that night, shining through brightly like never before. And I’m sure that whatever happens, I’d still be. For whatever reason this story happens, whether to make us stronger or maybe something else will come of it, I still, if not more, have a place for you in my heart. In what way?, you say. I don’t know. I still need to be convinced, but I’m letting you know now, that you’re welcome to have a say. In fact, I would like nothing more.